Telegraph boob alert
Has April 1st has arrived unseasonally late at The Telegraph this year? Their website is currently reporting that an Australian barmaid, one Luana De Favari (31) has been fined A$1,000 dollars (£439) after admitting performing a party trick which involved crushing beer cans between her breasts.
De Favari was found to be in breach of hotel licensing laws under the Liquor Control Act, police are quoted as saying. Her colleague Tracey Leslie, 43, was also fined A$500 (£220) for helping to hang spoons from De Favari's nipples, it was claimed, while the manager of the Premier Hotel in Pinjarra, near Perth, was fined A$1,000 for failing to stop the performance.
Local police superintendent David Parkinson is reported to have commented that the conviction "sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behaviour in our licensed premises."
Another example of political correctness trampling on the famed Australian sense of humour? The Heresiarch initially suspected a hoax, and indeed a strikingly similar story is to be found in the satirical online mag TheSpoof.com, complete with a disclaimer reading "The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious." The author, identified as "Queen Mudder", is also responsible for "Florida hosts underwater pumpkin-shagging contest".
But perhaps it's true after all, and preceded the similar-sounding spoof. Reuters were reporting the story yesterday, and a fuller report from Perth Now (in which the woman's name is spelled De Faveri) includes a longer quote from Supt Parkinson which certainly sounds authentically Aussie:
Tits and bums don't worry me, but if you want tits and bums, you go to a private room and it's not a problem. The law says you don't do it in public bars. I don't make the laws, I enforce them.
This has sent a clear message to people who might choose to do this sort of thing - there are rules and regulations. The bottom line is they have broken the law. We were ridiculed and who's laughing now?'
In the present media environment, it can be difficult to sort fact from fiction. Earlier this month, for example, the existence was widely reported of the Happy Endings Foundation, an organisation supposedly dedicated to banishing depressing endings from children's books. The story struck me at the time as mightily suspicious; and, indeed, it wasn't too long before a bit of digging by bloggers traced the organisation's website to ArtScience, a PR firm working for the publishers of the decidedly unhappyendinged Lemony Snicket books. The "proper" press, by and large, fell for it.
As for Luana, if she exists, she has my sympathies. But I predict a bright future for her on Australia's Got Talent.
De Favari was found to be in breach of hotel licensing laws under the Liquor Control Act, police are quoted as saying. Her colleague Tracey Leslie, 43, was also fined A$500 (£220) for helping to hang spoons from De Favari's nipples, it was claimed, while the manager of the Premier Hotel in Pinjarra, near Perth, was fined A$1,000 for failing to stop the performance.
Local police superintendent David Parkinson is reported to have commented that the conviction "sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behaviour in our licensed premises."
Another example of political correctness trampling on the famed Australian sense of humour? The Heresiarch initially suspected a hoax, and indeed a strikingly similar story is to be found in the satirical online mag TheSpoof.com, complete with a disclaimer reading "The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious." The author, identified as "Queen Mudder", is also responsible for "Florida hosts underwater pumpkin-shagging contest".
But perhaps it's true after all, and preceded the similar-sounding spoof. Reuters were reporting the story yesterday, and a fuller report from Perth Now (in which the woman's name is spelled De Faveri) includes a longer quote from Supt Parkinson which certainly sounds authentically Aussie:
Tits and bums don't worry me, but if you want tits and bums, you go to a private room and it's not a problem. The law says you don't do it in public bars. I don't make the laws, I enforce them.
This has sent a clear message to people who might choose to do this sort of thing - there are rules and regulations. The bottom line is they have broken the law. We were ridiculed and who's laughing now?'
In the present media environment, it can be difficult to sort fact from fiction. Earlier this month, for example, the existence was widely reported of the Happy Endings Foundation, an organisation supposedly dedicated to banishing depressing endings from children's books. The story struck me at the time as mightily suspicious; and, indeed, it wasn't too long before a bit of digging by bloggers traced the organisation's website to ArtScience, a PR firm working for the publishers of the decidedly unhappyendinged Lemony Snicket books. The "proper" press, by and large, fell for it.
As for Luana, if she exists, she has my sympathies. But I predict a bright future for her on Australia's Got Talent.
Comments
Just one teensy-weensy point of info: I ain't a feller, I'm a woman.
All the best,
quuen mudder
@
The Spoof.com
Having written in excess of 2000 items for The Spoof I refute your comment.
Some 1900 of my items are pure Spoof and the remaining number are parody.
yep it's me, Luana! First of all, if you want to see me in person make sure you come to the Voodoo Lounge strip club in Perth, where I perform wednesday through saturday. And if you can't come all the way to WA I still got good news for ya: I am going to be in The Picture magazine really soon....
xoxo
Luana